Whitey's Blog

Mike White - Canada - 20

When i listen to this song, i think back to when we would sit out on the beach or go to the park and talk! we would talk for hours or just look into each others eyes. sometimes i wouldn’t even hear what your were saying because i would get lost for a second looking into those big eyes of yours. i sometimes close my eyes, think and go back to moments like these, to try and feel something like i did when i used to look into your eyes. then i open mind and realize your gone. i realize ill never be able to look into them again. i rips my heart apart. but i cant do anything to change that i guess…  it is what it is. i hope there is still happiness behind those big beautiful blue eyes of yours. 


Before i wanted to be married and have beautiful kids and be with someone forever… now i don’t know what to do, do i work a shit job for the rest of my life? do i try and get the dream job that i know i cant actually get to? and waste my life regretting that i should have actually tried to get there? people say follow your dreams, but i cant because in reality i cant waste the rest of my life chasing the dreams i want. Thats the reason most of my dreams die and have died. There isn’t a point anymore looking forward to the future knowing there isn’t a plus anywhere. in 9 years I’m 30, 30! that scares the hell out of me because i can’t see myself anymore. before i could, i could see myself with a wife, kids and job that isn’t bad because at the end of the day i had something to live for. but now… i don’t see that, don’t want that and know that dream has died. and now i need to look for a dream that will probably die in the end of chasing it. oh well i guess thats life and thats why people say “life’s a bitch” because it really is. also people have said “money doesn’t buy happiness” bullshit if it doesn’t buy full happiness it sure fucking helps… (tired a lot probably doesn’t make sense.)

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Dosed

that’s the problem. I didn’t move on, I never went to find a life, to find someone… 

I lost her. But that’s all part of living, But Im not living. Im just waiting, hoping for things to go bad again.